Devil's Beatitudes

lessed are those Christians who are too tired,
too busy and too distracted
to spend time with their fellow-Christians in Church,
for they are my best candidates to backslide.

lessed are those Christians who wait
to be asked and expect to be thanked,
for I can use them to slow things down.

lessed are those Christians who are
critical of church authorities -
with a bit of luck they may stop going to church
and get others to quit -
for they are my missionaries.

lessed are those Christians
who are consistent church-hoppers.
They help me decrease God's committed labour force
and are candidates for those
waiting to be served rather than to serve.

lessed are those Christians who are
very religious but get on everyone's nerves,
for they are my most effective stumbling blocks.

lessed are those Christians
who are trouble-makers,
for they are my best wrecking crew.
Gossip and slander are my favorite toys.

lessed are those Christians
who have no time to pray,
for they are the easiest prey for me.
In fact, no effort at all.

lessed are those Christians who are complainers
for they are my best discouragers.
They do the work of doubting God
and making His gifts look ugly.

lessed are those Christians who practice hypocrisy
for they prove that God is still not their Master,
and it is only a matter of time before
I can edge my way in fully.

lessed are those Christians who do not read their Bibles.
I no longer need to think about what methods
to use to deceive them because now I can use any method.
They will be so weak that any method will work!

lessed are you when you read this and think
it's about other people and not yourself.
I've got you!
With people like you increasing,
I can retire from my job soon.